010: The Masses Will Mislead You

I was a child, having just watched the animated Tarzan movie for the first time in my childhood living room. We rented it from Blockbuster. And I’m launching myself over the sofa, vaulting around like a fiend. 

Now, I’m a 26 year old adult, watching Euphoria or Heated Rivalry, or even Sherlock, and I can feel myself losing... well, myself. 

The masses will tell you that a show is so good, “You have to watch it.” But that’s like saying that millions of pounds of food go to waste every day— “You should eat it.”

The practical truth is, there’s so much “good” media out there, there’s just not enough time to do what matters in your life and watch it all. 

But I’m not here about the practical truth. Maybe I’ll get into this another time— but for now, I want to talk about that little Mason catapulting himself across the living room. 

Whenever I consume any kind of multimedia, I find myself rapidly falling down the immersive rabbithole of that world. I notice it in how I think; I notice it in how I think about the world; I notice it in the way that I think about other people. And the people whom I value most of all— in real life? I start to lose that connection. And that is, possibly, the scariest part. 

For someone (me) who has cultivated friends around the shared preference in made-up stories— improv, games, etc.— it’s strange to say. But if I lose myself, how can I hold on to the connections that I’ve made with my loved ones? 

It’s relatively simple to find myself again. It’s basically just like exiting a dopamine hole. It’s not pleasant, and it’s not always easy, but it’s simple. 

Just because I can climb back to where I am, however, doesn’t mean that I should deviate in the first place. Just because an addict can get clean, doesn’t mean they should seek out drugs in their free time. An extension of the metaphor, but not unfounded.

This fear of losing myself is called even deeper into the limelight in regards to the person I love, and want to keep loving, the rest of my life. I’ve told her the following:

I promise you, ensuring that we can live the life of our love was my ultimate priority since watching you drive away— and it will be my priority until I see you again.

As I’m quickly (and somewhat stressfully) learning, putting Love as my #1 priority is really quite challenging. It’s caused the first significant episodes of anxiety that I’ve ever experienced. I’ve got problems, no doubt, but I’ve never struggled with anxiety. Before this.

The thing is, in order to make something your highest priority, you have to build a life that will support you to be in the best personal place— for that priority. When I focus more on living a full life, I am more able to both love her, and to receive love from her. 

The point of all this is such: When you are trying to optimize your life, and build the future that you’ve always wanted, you have to be yourself, first. And to live the life of our love— with someone who is so grounding, above all else— I have to be secure in myself.

I have to find myself, and continue finding myself, and find myself again whenever I stray. 

Fortunately, keeping to the path is the route of least resistance. I cannot find who said this (I think it was Tony Robbins?), but whoever said it said, “I would only be changed if I did not go to it.” 

Mason, you’ve dreamt of your future all of your life. And now, you are living a life that is, at once, completely different from those dreams— and infinitely better. 

But you are still you. You would only be changed if you did not go to it.

Find Mason.